Thursday, July 23, 2009

Life's about change...


I'm getting old(er). Do you know how I know that? Well I have a ten year old for starters! Not too long ago I noticed a picture of a friend(who shall remain nameless!). Her face was starting to look old(er) and it kind of took me by surprise. The other day I saw a picture of myself and guess what - there were those same lines! Where did those come from?

A few weeks ago I was in line at the grocery store waiting to buy some beer. As I stood there I thought to myself that I'd better get my ID out because they'd want to see it. I was still holding the card in my hand when the clerk handed me my receipt and told me to have a nice day. I was feeling a bit stunned as I tried to discretely tuck the ID card back in my wallet. This is the second time that has happened in the last couple of years ( I don't buy alcohol much) and as I walked out of the store I realized that an era had passed. I won't likely be carded ever again!

The other day I had my women's annual exam. I laid there on the table waiting for the doctor to come in. As I looked at the ceiling I was feeling pretty peaceful (even the ob's office is relaxing when you don't have any kids with you!). The cheery yellow walls and the sun shining outside brought me back to the many times I had been on those tables waiting to hear my baby's heartbeat. I remember the drill so well, weight, blood pressure, measure the tummy. The drill is much the same still but thank goodness they no longer want to measure the tummy! Funny thing is though, the weight, blood pressure and tummy size are all going up again! What's up with that? Then it dawned on me that if I were to be pregnant right now, I'd be considered high risk! How can that be? I don't feel any different than I did eleven years ago.

The gray hair is coming in faster and faster - Sally Beauty Supply is becoming a regular stop! Clothes don't fit the same. I'm noticing the veins on my hands standing out and the lines on my face sinking in. My blood pressure is going up, I've possibly got a tiny bit of arthritis and the darned scale refuses to go anywhere but up! (That's the last complaining about physical ailments I hope to ever utter!) When I asked the ob about the weight she simply circled my age. I guess that says a lot doesn't it? My "ideal" weight is no longer 120. I should be happy about that! I guess I am, I just didn't realize that what I've been seeing emerge really is the new me. I know, I could work out more but lets face it if I haven't done it up til now...

So, the signs are there. I am getting older. I am not OLD, just getting older. There is a lot to think about with that realization. How do I want to age? Kicking and fighting or gracefully and contentedly? Maybe a little of both. I really want to be comfortable with myself and with time I am beginning to care less what others think or look like. I'm not in competition with anyone. We all look different. Suddenly appearing in public in my swimsuit doesn't bother me so much. I'm not eighteen - and lets face it, no one will ever mistake me for that again either! Strange isn't it? We can't wait to grow up but we never really think we'll get to this point.

So for now, I'm going to learn to accept who I am and who I am becoming. Rather than continue to wear shorts a size too small (it really was getting old pulling them out of my behind) I finally caved and bought myself a couple new ones in the right size - man do they feel better! Life's about change and nothing ever stays the same...

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Welcome to the world of never feeling as old as the years say you are!! As I get older, I'm realizing more and more that you never really feel GROWN UP (what's with that anyway) and inside every little old lady and man there really is still a young person hidden by the wrinkles. NanaD

Bailey said...

Wow! I don't think that I could have put those observations into words any better. I have been noticing those same little lines, grey hairs, and scale numbers as well. And gosh darn if I don't get carded either as much as I used to. Bummer. But, I have a great marriage, an amazing daughter, and a wonderful family. God has blessed my life, just as he has blessed yours. Feel blessed.
And by the way, those grey hairs and little wrinkles... those are called experience, lots of hard earned experience.
Off my soapbox now, if you want to wallow, just give me a call!