Thursday, January 04, 2007

For fellow adopters...

I guess this is for those still waiting and for those just home. While Paige's bonding and attachment seem to have gone flawlessly, mine have not. I guess I read everything about her bonding and forgot about myself! Well, that's not entirely true. I did wonder and worry about bonding with her. Would I be able to look at an Asian face and fall in love? Would I be able to nuzzle her little neck like I had with the boys? The answer is a little more complicated than a straight yes or no. When they handed her to me I was very much in shock. I couldn't believe it was happening after so long and I couldn't believe it was going to be over in the blink of an eye. I had a lot of fun with her in China and in looking back it was sort of like playing pretend but with a real baby. I got to dress her up and put cute clothes on her everyday and bows in her hair. The sleep issue was tolerable because we were kind of on vacation.
Then we got home. And this cute little baby still wouldn't sleep! On top of it Rick left the day after my parents left and I was completely on my own for four days. (I did manage to get Trace to school each of those days on time!) I was tired and irritable and didn't know if she was bonding well because the only information I could find was on if they didn't bond. I've since found what I needed and she is indeed very well bonded to us. But she STILL wouldn't sleep!!! During the day she was happy and smily to everyone - except me. Then at night she was up and I had to deal with it! How was I suposed to fall in love with someone who seemed to only need me when she was hungry or tired? I kept at it though and constantly reminded myself that she didn't ask to be removed from her home and placed into ours. None of it was her fault and we were in it together. It wasn't her against me even though I wanted to think that a couple of times! I guess I knew that it might be tough, after all I didn't bond with my oldest birth child until he was about 5 months, but somehow it still surprised me a little.
The bottom line is that I have been able to look at those beautiful Asian eyes, and chunky little thighs and fall in love. I have been able to nuzzle her little neck and savor that baby smell. It wasn't immediate and it wasn't always easy even with an adorable easy going baby. But I feel like I knew what to expect and was about as prepared as I could be. And guess what? Last night she gave me her goofy grin!

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