Sunday, May 11, 2008

Happy Mother's Day!

Mother's Day. I feel like it should be something profound. Something magical. Something... I don't know. So what is it? Another day of potty training, another day of bickering, room cleaning, laundry and fixing meals for kids. The big difference is that I get to keep saying to them, "Hey! This is mother's day. Is this the way you are going to behave?" The problem is that I have to keep saying it!
I am acutely aware today though of a group of mother's especially close to my heart. These are the mother's still waiting. Many of them know their child has been born but have no idea where or when, let alone how he/she is. They wait day in and day out hoping China will have mercy on them. They are mother's and yet rather than celebrate they will likely choose to hide today, it just hurts so much. I know this feeling only a little. While I was waiting I had two precious boys to celebrate with. It didn't make the hole for the missing child any smaller, but it gave me a distraction. For those who don't have any other "distractions" I hope you know you are every bit a mother.
Telefloral recently ran an ad where they separted mother's into categories. (they later posted a retracting with an apology saying they didn't realize it might offend!?) One category was labeled "non - mom's" for aunts, grandparents, foster and ADOPTIVE parents. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that there is at least one person with that view point. NON moms? Is there really such a thing? If you are kissing owies, cleaning up vomit at 2am, and correcting school papers then you are a mom. It makes no difference if you gave birth to that child, foster or ADOPTED them. A non mom. So if I'm Paige's non mom does that make her a non child? I agree with a fellow blogger who said that the part that makes us the saddest is that these types of people will someday come into contact with my precious child. Someday a comment or article like that will make my child cry and ask questions she should never have. Just for those of you who aren't aware, Paige WAS adopted. Adoption is an action not a state of being. She is not our adopted daughter, she is our daughter. And I am her mom. (even now as she glares at me for taking her off the counter!)
For me, mother's day is really just another day. But it is another day to remember my blessings and share my pride in them. When Trace was born, I became a mom. I was so excited to show him off and "play" mom (though I didn't realize it then). Reality didn't hit for quite a while. By the time Caden came along I just wanted to take him home and get back to life. The novelty of showing him off had faded into the reality of being a family. When Paige finally arrived we were ready to move on. Our family complete. I am fascinated by the phases of motherhood and how universal they seem to be. We all think we are so ready and know so much with the first one. Several years down the line we begin to grow and it is easier to see not only where we've been but where we are going. I ran into someone the other day whom I know has always used a very strict parenting theory. Her children are well behaved. At one time I would have been acutely aware of Trace interrupting that conversation and Paige wandering off. I was comforted to realize that for the first time - I didn't care! I really didn't care. In fact I didn't even think about it until we got out to the car 20 minutes later. My children are my children and I'm proud of them. Do they always behave perfectly? Nope but I know they can. Most importantly I have finally figured out that it matters little what I do. They are going to become who they are meant to be and I am mearly here to guide and assist them along the way. Motherhood is very humbling.

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