Sunday, April 15, 2012

The Right Perspective

This past week Paige was in a school performance. It was just a brief little event where the first graders sang some songs for their parents before the family night event at the school. She has never actually done anything other than stand there with a frown on her face so, although I hoped, I doubted she would do anything different this time. Imagine my surprise as the music started and her little hands started performing the signs while she sang out with a smile on her face. I watched as she giggled and goofed around with her friends. She was having fun and enjoying what she was doing. It melted my heart.
For a while I thought my emotions were a result of thinking of what could have been. What could have been, for Paige, if things had been different. But I knew that wasn't right. In fact it almost made me mad to think that way. How do I know what could have been? For all I know it could have been a lot better, or just different. I've never felt like we did something for her and I knew that wasn't the right description of what I was feeling. So what brought the tears to my eyes? After two days of working through my emotions, it finally hit me. It wasn't what could have been for her, it was what could have been for us! When people tell me she is "such a doll," or "so cute," while I agree with them, I don't see her the same way. I don't see that she is different. Looking at her up on that stage I saw her smily face at the edge of my bed on a Saturday morning, I saw her twirling and bouncing through the house, I felt her sleeping weight as I carry her to her bed, and I felt those little arms around me in her tightest bear hug. I saw my daughter and I realized what could have been for us without her in our lives! That empty hole she has filled in my heart, that extra sparkle she brings to our home and I can't imagine life without it. I watched her sing about having food in her belly and love in her family and I was overcome with thankfulness that I am the one who gets to provide those thing for her. And the tears fell.

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